The JOYS (and struggles)... together

Taking a Breath

2006-12-20T19:05:00.000-05:00

I realize that I haven't blogged for over a month. Thanksgiving is over, decorating is finished, baking is FINALLY done, my concerts are finished, shopping is ALMOST completed (finishing up tomorrow with my friend, Juel). I don't think I've taken a breath since the Wednesday before Thanksgiving!!

I'm taking that breath now...

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with family and friends... always remembering why we celebrate.

"But the angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.'" Luke 1:30-32

2006-11-28T16:01:00.000-05:00

I write this recognizing one thing...

I have SO MUCH TO LEARN!! Nothing is more humbling than your absolute weaknesses being pointed out. Today was one of those days at work when I was hit face to face with the reality that the "professional business world" is not easy. I do not understand it and I do not necessarily feel equipped to be there. Yet this is where God has called me to... this office, this job. My boss is amazing and has no problem approaching me with issues that need to be addressed. I am grateful to her and to the Lord for not allowing me to be comfortable...

please pray that I learn how to keep all my business relationships, business. This is the area I need to grow the most. I do not know how to be completely professional with people; I am used to building relationships with everyone.... this is very new.

I am Content

2006-11-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

I realized this morning that I hadn't blogged for more than a week. I'm living my very ordinary life right now and nothing exciting is happening. That is the way I like life. I realize as I get older, that I don't like the highs and lows as much as I used to -- of course, I LOVED the highs and HATED the lows. Success in my personal life is, well, steady as she goes. I am content.

I also realized this morning that Thanksgiving is a week earlier than I thought it was -- Less than two weeks away!! I've got to get my meal plan together for that -- My mom and dad and kids and hubby -- no real pressure, but I will work out my menu today.

I'm a painting fool -- have I mentioned that I LOVE to paint?? :-) I wasn't going to make any gifts for Christmas, because I didn't think I'd progressed enough to actually give something to someone they would like -- not that fake, "Oh, wow, that's nice," reaction. My teacher encouraged me to make a few things. I'm designing and painting a decorative plate for my Mom -- she'll like anything I give her, and I'm making some ornaments to give as small gifts.

I'm off from work today, I've gotten an hour of painting under my belt, a load of laundry almost finished, my kitchen cleaned up, my car to the garage to check leaky antifreeze, supper planned (ordering pizza), so I'm going to finish this blog, order up a tall glass of water, and do a bit of Bible reading. I could live happily as a hermit -- for a short time. The trick and quite frankly, the thing I find most difficult to do, is to be happy and content no matter the circumstances. Oh well... today I don't have to work at being content.

The sun is shining (through my tableclothes-turned drapes :-), my house is relatively clean, I'm alone and puttering... LIFE IS GOOD!!

...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation... I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11b,12a,13

Blessings, Melodye

Personal Retreat

2006-11-01T13:38:00.000-05:00

I am looking to go on a short personal retreat this weekend but will be honest and say I am nervous. Focusing my attention, especially when taking a SLOW BREAK, is very, very difficult. I do not desire to waste the time.

Have you ever taken a retreat? What have you done? What have you read? Do you have any suggestions for me?

Tableclothes into Drapes?? Brilliant!!

2006-10-30T19:25:00.000-05:00

I spent the day sewing, not painting. Have I mentioned that I LOVE my painting class?? :-)

We have 20 windows in our living room -- 10 on the second story and 10 on the main floor. When we built the house, we didn't consider things like, oh, cleaning the windows 20 feet up, keeping the sun out of all 20 windows, the fact the windows lose their R-factor as they age (the windows are 22 years old).

I have dark leather "man" furniture in the room (my darling hubby's choice), oak floors and window trim -- dark, dark, dark. I have a rug I bought at an auction -- primary colors are ocean blue, teal blue, terra cotta and black. About 4 years ago, I made drapes for the 10 main floor windows. I don't know what I was thinking, but I picked a dark print. I believe I spent about $300.00 on the fabric and about 2 weeks cutting and sewing them together. I didn't like them the moment I put them up.

Fast forward to the present day... I've been looking for ocean blue silk dupioni drapes -- 50"x95". They are very hard to find and very expensive when you do find them. I found some from Pottery Barn on Ebay that started at $80.00 a pair (I need 2 1/2 pairs) and they were only 40 inches wide.

I also have been praying for contentment. Every time I looked at those drapes, I hated them!! I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to look at them for quite a bit more time... college tuition and the like... :-) My contentment prayer bordered on desperation.

God is a wonderful, caring, loving God and he heard my cry... I'm overwhelmed as I write this that He could and would care about something so trivial as drapes. Thank you Lord, for your love for me.

I was picking up a few things at Walmart today and walked through the clearance aisle. I spotted the ocean blue color first. I was disappointed to learn that oblong tableclothes, in ocean blue, were on sale for $10.00. The fabric had the nubbiness of silk dupioni. I had a moment of perfect clarity... check the size -- 60"x102". Okay, see how many are on the rack -- about 12.

I picked up 5 oblong tableclothes and I'm sitting at my computer, 7 hours later, looking out into my living room at my five fabulous curtains!!! I put a 2-inch double hem on each side, a 2-inch single hem on the top (they are attached by clips) and a 5-inch hem on the bottom. Everyone knows that a large hem at the bottom of a drape makes it look richer. I will probably need to line them this winter -- my plan is to get some flannel flat sheets in an ivory and attach them temporarily.

Will they last 25 years? No. If an interior decorator came into my home, would he/she recognize that my drapes were not REAL silk dupioni? Probably. However, to my eye, they give my living room the tall light columns of color it has needed for -- well, forever. When I walk into the room, I smile.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Blessings, Melodye

Baked Potato Soup

2006-10-29T08:49:00.000-05:00

I discovered this recipe in a Taste of Home magazine back in the spring. It is delicious and a great cold weather meal!!! My darling husband and son make yummy noises the whole time they eat this. It is also pretty to serve for company!! Put in a soup tureen, sprinkle the cheese and bacon on the top. Add a salad and some hot rolls, a dessert, and voila!! A great meal!

BAKED POTATO SOUP

4 large baking potatoes (about 2 3/4 pounds)
2/3 cup butter or margarine (real butter has the best taste)
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp salt (I use 1 1/4 tsp)
1/4 tsp white pepper (or black :-)
6 cups milk (I use skim milk)
1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream (I use low-fat)
1/4 cup thinly sliced green onions
10 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese.

Bake potatoes at 350 for 65-75 minutes or until tender; cool completely. Peel and cube potatoes.
In a large, heavy saucepan, melt butter; stir in flour, salt and pepper until smooth. Gradually add milk. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened.
Remove from the heat; whisk in sour cream. Add potatoes and green onions. Garnish with bacon and cheese. Yield: 10 servings
*Note* The potatoes can be baked another day and stored in the refrigerator until you are ready to use them. Potatoes baked in the oven, not the microwave, provide the best flavor. I sometimes add about 1 cup of those ham cubes you find in the store. If adding the ham, you don't need the bacon. I also found that you have to put the soup back on the heat after adding the green onions and potatoes to heat through. If you would rather have the onions cooked, add them with the butter and let them cook as the butter melts. Otherwise, the onions are crunchy (that's the way we like them!)

Blessings, Melodye

Making Fitness a Part of My Life

2006-10-27T12:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you take a gift for granted, rely on it and then it is gone. Take exercise, for example, I have been exercising at a particular gym for two years. I go at least three times a week. I also take yoga once a week--at a different gym. When you are 47, body parts go south unless you work at pointing them in the right direction (that would be a northward direction :-) Lifting is important as a counteractive measure against osteoporosis. Because I have osteoarthritis and the beginnings of fibromyalgia one could say that lifting weights is essential to my wellbeing.

Anyway, my gym membership was a gift from a very generous person -- greatly appreciated by me!! This gift will not be given again so I have to figure out a way to keep lifting weights. I've already figured out that I won't be able to pay for it -- with MS, my yoga class is more important. Yoga keeps me off of spasticity drugs. My darling husband goes to the gym also and he absolutely needs that "testosterone fest" that occurs when 4 or more men get together to lift weights!!! He has offered to give up his membership so I can go -- I absolutely LOVE him for his offer, but he needs to lift at the gym with the other men.

The wheels began turning two days ago... Voila!! Eureka!! I have all the necessary equipment in my home. Granted, they are scattered hither and yon, but the pieces are there. Fortunately, during my Flylady decluttering days, I didn't "bless" someone else with my equipment.

I found my 15, 10, 8, and 5 pound dumbells. I found my Weidner barbell (covered in dust and cobwebs), 4 - 10 pound plates, 4-5 pound plates and 2-3 pound plates. I also remembered that I had bought one of those resistance bands and after looking for 1/2 a day (I can get obsessive about this stuff), I found it!! I have a fitness ball for core work. I talked to a great friend today and mentioned that all I needed was a "stepper" so that I had something to do chest presses on. Steppers are also good for lunge-type exercises (for those glutes and quads!!). I am now the proud owner of one very dusty stepper. It was under their sofa, collecting dust.

Now I need a plan... Amanda, I'm going to probably store the equipment in a box under your bed... hope you don't mind!!! I plan to do upper body 2x a week and lower body 2x a week. I will also incorporate core exercises, ab work and some yoga -- probably a total of 40 minutes a day. I will continue my yoga class one time a week.

I've been lifting on an off for about 12 years -- sometimes at the gym and sometimes at home. I feel better when I lift weights! I look better when I lift weights! I'm happier when I lift weights!

All of this to say, I am going to embrace the notion of lifting at home. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me of the equipment taking up space in my home. You do indeed provide if we ask.

I would encourage any of you who don't do anything of a physical nature, to try something, even a small thing. Walking, biking, lifting, yoga are all great endorphin releasers and you just feel good doing it!!

I just started a bible study on Ecclesiastes and I'm looking at focusing on the eternal rather than the temporal. I also realize that I need to be wise as I take care of the body God gave me. For this season in my life, I will take care of ME at home instead of in the gym!!

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Blessings, Melodye

If you...

2006-10-26T09:39:00.000-04:00

If you read this blog, do me a favor and just leave a short message (it can be one word). I know I read everyone's blog, but often do not comment. So this is a short experiement/survey.

to my friends Chris and Nate

2006-10-24T08:27:00.000-04:00

It is truly hard to imagine that it has been almost 3 years since I graduated from college. Many things have changed, yet there have been a few constants in Maryland (besides my church family)... mostly music contacts and contexts. With that said, this blog is to thank my friends Chris Kennedy and Nate Deluca for their music faithfulness over the last 3 years.

The fall semester of my senior year, the three of us began jamming and simply enjoying musical creations. Upon my graduation we then ventured to play at Ze Mean Bean and have been there ever since.

A brief history: Chris and I have been playing, and recording (he plays on "Stay" and "Black Orpheus"), together for the last 5 years and now have extended networks through each other... which includes Nate. Chris and Nate have been working at Clean Cuts together for the past 3 years and showed up at my Towson apartment to jam. It is a simple story but one that has lasted.

Thanks guys!!!

Already Put To The Test {{Sigh}}

2006-10-23T15:06:00.000-04:00

Be careful what you blog and what you wish for... :-)

Brent just called me. There is a hold on his account at school that should not be there. He has until Friday to drop his class and cannot with the hold on the account.

The "enforcer parent" in me wanted to admonish him for waiting until this week to drop the class (he actually dropped it two weeks ago). The "encourager parent" actually told him that if he needed money put on the account to take it off of hold, to let me know and I would do so immediately.

This blogging thing is a humbling experience!!! I did not take into account the accountability factor that would be put into play as I blogged!!!

I'm not going to pat myself on the back, but this is a very small, but significant victory. I consciously made a choice and it was the right one!! I'm going to finish my apple pies and then go and paint!!! I am an encourager, not the enforcer, I am an encourager, not the enforcer... (She repeats over and over again!!)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Blessings, Melodye

(Not) Parenting a 21 year old

2006-10-23T12:34:00.000-04:00

I think I've been a pretty good parent for 24 years. God's Grace has made up for my failures. Not parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Amanda will tell you that if she lived at home, we would last for about 2 weeks. After that, I'd have to be her parent and she'd hate me.

Brent is almost 21 (December 8), goes to college, works part-time, and lives in the same bedroom that he lived in 20 years ago, except that the bear and balloon wallpaper has been replaced and he sleeps in a full bed because he is 6'2" -- too tall for his old twin bed. Brent is taking the "scenic" route through college. This is his third year and he has three more years to go. He has his act together, works reasonably hard, is respectful of Dan and I, but I still try to parent him. That causes great conflict.

Case in point... I misunderstood him when he told me last night that he DID NOT have a 9:00 a.m. class because he has a 5:00 p.m. test. I woke him up when I left the house at 7:10 a.m. Dan REALLY woke him up at 8:30 a.m. He didn't have a class until 12:00 p.m. :-) He is fully capable of waking himself up, but yet I took that responsibility from him this morning.

I love him more than life itself, but this is MY problem, not his problem. I need to focus on myself and change what needs to be changed. I need to paint more... have I mentioned that I LOVE painting class??? :-)

Lord, please help me to be an encourager, not an enforcer. I recognize, in my head, that I cannot parent Brent to a 4.0 GPA. I recognize, in my head, that Brent is an adult and is 100% responsible for his actions. I feel this is a pride issue on my part and I am sinning when I push so hard that Brent resents me. I want home to be a soft place to fall. Brent isn't a failure, but I make him feel like one by the words that come out of my mouth. Protect him in the way I can no longer protect him. Show Brent Your real presence in his life. He is your child and needs you most during this time in his life. Let me just love this precious gift you gave me almost 21 years ago.

I Wasted an Afternoon... Musing After the Fact...

2006-10-19T12:49:00.000-04:00

I always have the best intentions when I get up each morning. I go to my school part-time job until about 10:00 a.m., twice a week I go to my second part-time job for an hour or so or I go to the gym and lift weights. I get home usually about 12:00 p.m. Two times a week I have to go back to school at 2:00. When I don't go back to the school, I usually get something accomplished -- nothing earth shattering, but usually something that needs done.

Yesterday I had the WHOLE afternoon to get something important done. I got NOTHING done!! Instead I did what I usually stop myself from doing... I turned on the TV.

I spent TWO HOURS watching... (drum roll) ...Beyonce' Revealed on E Entertainment Television!!! Now, I like Beyonce's music and she seems grounded, in spite of her fame (see what I picked up by watching the show?), but I don't think my personal world was made a better place because I spent two hours learning about Beyonce Knowles.

Lest you think I am a TV snob, let me tell you (Amanda can vouch for this) that I LOVE sports on TV. I watch pro and college football, baseball playoffs, March Madness. Manda and I sometimes phone-watch "What Not To Wear." I like cooking shows on FoodTV, I LOVE the decorating shows on HGTV, and my favorite morning show to watch while I'm getting ready for work is "Mike and Mike In The Morning" on ESPN2.

I NEVER feel I've wasted time if I'm watching sports on TV. It is relaxing for me to enjoy sports on TV. I usually read while I'm watching a game. Hey, I'm a woman, I can multi-task.

Why did I need to spend two hours watching a biography of a 26 year old who is making a kazillion dollars?? Did you know that she wrote the theme song for the Charlie's Angel's movie?? It made her tons of money. Did you know that she and her girlfriends, when they were about 12 entered Star Search and lost?? Did you know that her mom owned a beauty salon?? See, I know more about Beyonce now than I knew yesterday at this time.

And being in possession of some facts of Beyonce's life is important to me because???...???...

The whole point of this musing is to point out that, while I can laugh at this and make light of the fact that I wasted two hours on pointless drivel, God healed me of an aneurysm. I'm not sure He wants me to waste time. At least a nap is personally edifying!! :-)

I'm going to try to be a better steward of my afternoons... napping, sewing, cleaning, painting, laundry, baking. I've included both fun and drudgery in the list. The list IS endless.

Today's list started with writing this blog and then a nap. {Shrug} Napping is ALWAYS at the top of my list. We KNOW I don't need to watch any program about Beyonce. I already know enough about her!! :-)

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Blessings, Melodye Joy

(Thank you, darling, for changing the time on our blog... )

Random and Spontaneous Trip with Friends

2006-10-18T15:46:00.000-04:00

It all began with Toasted Cheese-Bacon-Mango Chutney-Sandwiches, Tomato Soup, CHUNKY Applesauce and wine. It then went to friends simply cutting up pumpkins. And then...

Shelter from the storm... wait what storm (you are asking)... the storm at the ocean... wait what ocean (you are asking)...

OCEAN CITY OF COURSE!!! Take one evening of food and pumpkins, add in venison meat (that's part of the story... you are just going to have to ask) and then 6 hours to and from OC to simply see the sunrise... wait but you said a storm (you comment)... yes, that's right, there was NO SUNRISE!!! Ha ha ha!!! Good times, good times!

My Painting Class and My Daddy

2006-10-14T15:36:00.000-04:00

I LOVE my painting class. It is my new obsession; my teacher said I have a natural gift for it. WHO KNEW??

I made a strawberry, leaf and vine wall plaque. It is beautiful. Dan found a place to hang it in my kitchen. I am now making a recipe box... fruits and flowers... a bit more difficult.

I'm figuring out how to pay for it too... I'm giving my teachers a little bit of money on a regular basis and keeping an "account" with them so I don't have to come up with a huge chunk of money at once (don't forget, I'm still paying college tuition :-). A thought even crossed my mind that I could forgo getting my nails done so I could take more painting classes. It was just a thought... my nails are so bad that my self esteem couldn't weather that sacrifice :-)

I didn't realize how much I was like my Daddy. I remember him learning to play his banjo when I was 5 or 6. For about 3 years, we went to sleep with the sounds of a 5-string banjo as our lullaby. He then decided to learn to play the harmonica. I'm not sure which was worse, the banjo or harmonica. Then it was golf... He is now obsessed with his "chainsaw sawmill," which uses a jig he made and his chainsaw to make 2 inch boards out of big logs. About five years ago it was the process of tapping maple trees and boiling down the maple sugar water into maple syrup. I always admired his "stick-to-it-ness." I never thought I would be guilty of the same. Of course, I always thought he was a brilliant man!!

I'm going to get good at this painting thing. Amanda, look out. You will probably get something in the future as a gift. Because I birthed you, you will be required to LOVE whatever it is I make for you.

I've been using Bible verses to end my blogs, because it makes me think on things of the Lord as they pertain to my everyday life. I'm not sure there is a verse for this... painting obsession and my Daddy... I found one!! It is a reminder to me that, whatever I do, I am still a Child of God, His representative on this earth,and must give thanks to Him for this gift... my new obsession...

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23

Blessings, Melodye

2006-10-12T15:35:00.000-04:00

Come and listen
Come to the waters, they draw you.
Who know and fear the Lord

Come and listen
Come to the waters, they draw you.
Who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me
Let me tell you waht He has done for me
He has done for you
He has done for us

Come and listen
Come and listen to what's He's done
Come and listen
Come and listen to what's He's done

The heavens delcare His glory and praise!
Someday imperfection will be wiped away.
Yet even now we stand under the protection
Of His blood - full of mercy can grace!

It's All An Illusion

2006-10-12T12:39:00.000-04:00

I've had two difficult nights of interrupted sleep -- hormones and the like. This morning I made sure to wear something that made me feel good -- my denim skirt I designed, my flat brown boots, two brown camisoles and a cool brown shrug with a sparkly pin. As I was "putting my face on" a thought skipped across my brain... "It's all an illusion."

My tired brain at 6:45 a.m. (have I mentioned that I'm not a morning person?) accepted that the image I was presenting this Thursday morning to 240 students (250 if you count 6th grade), was indeed an illusion. I was tired, had muscle stiffness, was a bit cranky, and, if I was to be completely honest with myself, looked every bit of my 47 years.

Later in the day, though, as I examined the whole "illusion" idea, I realized that thought was a lie from satan. An illusion is a "misleading image" or "something that deceives."

I am a Child of God, bought with a price, albeit, a tired Child :-). Nevertheless, what I saw in my mirror this morning was indeed a true reflection of my inside peace (see previous blog...), wearing great clothes, jewelry and makeup, a smile and, most importantly, the armor of God.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." Ephesians 6:10,11

"You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body." I Corinthians 6:19b,20

Blessings... Melodye

Check Your Emotions

2006-10-11T21:06:00.000-04:00

I took my weekly yoga class tonight. I absolutely LOVE yoga and would become an instructor, except you have to sort of believe some stuff I think is pure hooey... I love the flexible bendy part of the class, though :-)

Our instructor, as she does each week, as we are relaxing at the end of an hour class, asks us to "check your emotions, without judgment." I know I've heard her say that many times, but tonight I actually listened to her and checked.

At that point and time, I was feeling relaxed, calm, confident, and steady. I realized that it would be fantastic if I could carry those emotions with me throughout my day, regardless of the circumstances in my life. Of course, that is probably impossible, but a few verses came to me as I was lying on my yoga mat.

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
I Corinthians 15:58

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

I want to live peaceably and steady for the rest of my life, regardless of outside circumstances. THAT is an honorable goal as a Christian. Honorable, but perhaps impossible... I'm going to give it a conscious try tomorrow...

JUST BECAUSE LIBBY ASKED...

2006-10-09T15:43:00.000-04:00

Alright Libby... here you go...

FIRST NAME: Melodye

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? To quote my Dad, "Because of our love for music we named you and added the letter "e" to make you special. "

YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Polish Ham

DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? No, I keep trying to start one

YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I could be good and say Special K, but my real favorites are Frosted Flakes and Sugar Pops!!

YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Chocolate (of course)

SHOE SIZE? 8 1/2

RED OR PINK? Pink

YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? cellulite on my thighs and BIG wrinkle between my eyes

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? gray sweat capris and white and blue Brooks sneakers

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Brilliant Red or Pink

FAVORITE SMELL? Coffee in the morning

FAVORITE DRINK? Off The Rak's Hawaiian Punch or Vanilla Bean Frappachino

HAT SIZE? Big, really big (to hold my fabulous brain)

FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate or dark chocolate

SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter, if I don't have to drive in the snow

FAVORITE SOUNDS? Music and laughter

THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Flagstaff, Arizona

WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Making my kids tell me the truth!! Really, it is making kids feel motivated to do the right thing

WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? September 7, 1959, Johnstown, PA

NOW YOU GUYS REALLY HAVE TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!

just because Libby asked

2006-10-09T12:19:00.000-04:00

Alright Libby... here you go...

FIRST NAME: Amanda
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I apparently was almost a Jennifer (or so Dad says) but then they heard the song "Amanda the light of my life"... so here we be

YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Roast beef

DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes, but its full of prayers to the Lord

YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Depends on the season and my age... currently Fiber One Bran~Honey Nut Clusters

YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? strawberry

SHOE SIZE? 8

RED OR PINK? I do not have a preference... it all depends on my hair color at the time

YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? ha ha ha... my crooked nose, fat face

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? black pin-striped pants and black ballet-like slippers

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Forest Green

FAVORITE SMELL? Autumn...!!!

FAVORITE DRINK? Pumpkin spice latte

HAT SIZE? I honestly do not know

FAVORITE FOOD? Momma's chicken brocolli casserole

SUMMER OR WINTER? Autumn

FAVORITE SOUNDS? crickets

THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Flagstaff, Arizona

WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? avoiding questions

WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? March 25, Johnstown, PA

Alright Momma, your next.

2006-10-05T15:23:00.000-04:00

Melodye Joy and Amanda Joy

(mother and daughter)

scripture and songs

2006-10-05T15:08:00.000-04:00

Verses and songs that I have been meditating on... (and please note that some may not be quoted EXACTLY... but this is how they run through my mind)

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding. But in ALL your ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and HE will make your paths straight.

I would have despaired unless I had believed I would have seen the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and wait for the Lord.

Turn your gaze to heaven and raise a joyous noise! The sound of angels awe, the sound of salvations song and all this for a King, we could join and sing, all for Christ our King. O Praise Him, O Praise Him. He is HOLY. HE IS HOLY!!!

(and the most recent...)
Cease striving and know that I AM GOD! I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us. The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

No Aneurysm

2006-10-03T14:44:00.000-04:00

I wanted to get my thoughts together before posting this.

Dan and I went to see my neurosurgeon, Dr. Bowles this morning. He told me the angiogram didn't show any aneurysm. We had a hint of this, since my family doctor, Dr. Mike, called me last Thursday. His words were "Thank the blessed Mother."

Dan asked Dr. Bowles, "You mean she never had an aneurysm?" He replied, "She doesn't have an aneurysm."

I am going to claim healing. I know of no other way to view this situation. I've never been healed before. It is an overwhelming thought that God would love me enough and in His Grace and Compassion, see fit to do this humanly impossible thing... He must have something important for me to do yet. This I can see, but I'm not sure what it is.

I'm going to get up each day and try and make a difference in someone's life. That is my starting point. I'm going to speak of my healing if someone asks. I'm going to play the piano more, sew more, paint more. After I write this, though, I'm going to take a nap!!

Dr. Bowles told me to follow up with my neurologist concerning the problems I'm having now. I've got a call in to him and hopefully I'll be able to get in to see him soon.

Thank you for your prayers. It was indeed the prayers of thousands that healed me. If you don't mind, I'm going to continue to blog with Amanda... destination unknown... :-)

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Lamantations 3:21-24

Melodye

Do One Thing Different

2006-10-02T10:56:00.000-04:00

I posted this on my myspace blog a few months ago. I thought I'd reprint it here. This was revolutionary to me and changed my life.

"Do one thing different." I read a book with that title a few months ago and it has made a difference in my life. As a 46 year old woman, I'm learning that I must make changes to continue to grow as a person. I gave myself about a week to think about what ONE thing would make a difference in my life...
Television... I was in the habit of turning on the TV as soon as I stepped in the door. I would channel surf, settle on a channel and then try to get things done, while keeping one eye, one ear tuned. Sometimes I'd turn on a TV upstairs too so I could listen/watch while I was going between floors. I was wasting the precious time I've been given on this earth watching stupid things on TV.
For four weeks now I've not watched TV, unless a specific show is on, like American Idol or Oprah.
I'm discovering my creative side again. I signed on to myspace, scanned pictures that I've been meaning to get on a CD. I'm designing/sewing clothing. I'm studying my Bible. I'm just enjoying stillness. I've actually lost a few pounds!! I guess I was snacking more than I realized!!
In a few months I'm going to change something else. I don't know what it will be. This particular journey has been successful. Growing older is fun for me!! I'm enjoying this time in my life perhaps more than any other.
We are never too old to grow and learn!!

I'm not just a person who has MS

2006-10-02T10:38:00.000-04:00

First of all, Zoanna, is this big enough print?? :) I like the smaller print because it reminds me of a book, but, hey, I'm aiming to please...

Secondly, darling daughter, please do not apologize for not talking to me about how I felt yesterday!! You and everyone must understand that I cannot wear my physical problems as a second coat. I put my difficulties into words yesterday, knowing that you and your precious friends would read them and pray for me. That being done, I then felt the freedom to talk to you about your stuff and all that you are doing when you called.

I am not just a person with MS and other difficulties, I am a woman who has a job she loves, hobbies she loves, a husband and children she adores. THAT is what I'm mostly about, not my current physical predicament. By the way, you should see my "comma" and "S" strokes!!! They are outstanding!!

I do know that I can talk to you about my physical status. Yesterday, quite frankly, I felt so lousy that talking about it would have made it worse. Besides, I love giving you my sage advice!!! I can't do that if I'm talking about me, I, number 1... you get my drift :-) It IS all about me... :-)

Speaking as a parent and educator, sometimes parents share too much with their children. There is a young boy in one of our classes who comes in about every other day and shares something of his mother's misfortunes. She has MS and apparently other ailments, which she shares freely with her son. I tell him, "Jesse, you have too much information."

Okay, I'm stepping down off of my soapbox and going to put my load of laundry (my flylady habit) in the dryer.

I hope each of you who reads this post has a fabulous day. Make sure and count your blessings today!! Melodye

Conviction and Devotion and the Glorious Battle

2006-10-02T09:59:00.000-04:00

Before reading this, please read the post prior... the prayer request from my mother. That takes much more precedence.

From the Valley of Visions - Devotions
"... may my joy derive from glorifying and delighting Thee. I long to fill all my time for Thee, whether at home or in the way; to place all my concern in Thy hands; to be entirely at Thy disposal, having no will or interest of my own. Help me to live to Thee for ever, to make Thee my last and only end, so that I may never more in one instance love my sinful self."

Yesterday hit many different thoughts and emotions. Jason Reyes preached a message on Ephesians 4:17 - 5:2 and he mentioned that we are in a glorious battle. This battle is between our flesh and serving Christ. Before coming to Christ we served ourselves, and now we battle for humility, we battle to glorify God in all things.

Momma, I ask your forgiveness. I was convicted after I got off the phone with you, that I am so self-seeking and put myself before you, in my actions and in my conversations. It makes me sick to think that my selfishness puts you second... Momma, please forgive me. You are my best friend and I only wish for God's best over your life... yet I do not act like it. Please know I love you so much and I desire to grow in this area.

Along in the battle, my affections for my Savior are distorted. I have been meditating on Psalm 27 and verse 4; "One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall see: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple."

My desire is for my devotion and affections for my Savior to draw me closer into His divine romance. I desire to know Him more; I desire to seek humility and a focus that is on others and not myself...

This is a glorious battle... it just is not easy... but in the end... TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

Specific Prayer Request

2006-10-01T11:40:00.000-04:00

I want to share specifically how you can pray, if you are praying for me. Yesterday I got a very bad headache. I tried to work through it, but had to finally go to bed because I was nauseated. I thought it was coming from my focus issues with my eyes. Today, however, the right side of my face is numb -- pins and needles numb. I must admit that this scares me. I've never had this type of a headache with my MS, nor has my face become numb like this. The left side of my face DOES droop when I get tired, but this is something new.

Again, I don't know if this is an aneurysm problem or an MS problem. I see my neurosurgeon on Tuesday for the final word. Keep me in your prayers.

"...In Due Season"

2006-10-01T10:17:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd just share something I read during my devotions. I must admit that daily devotions is something I've struggled with in that I'm not the most consistant person. I do pray every day and feel I've never lost my "one on one" praying relationship with Jesus Christ. I however, miss the precious "nuggets" of wisdom found in the Word. I'm doing a short devotional every day -- that way I won't find reasons not to do it :-)

Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Galations 6:9

What strikes me about that verse is the "...in due season" phrase. I looked up the word "due" in the dictionary. The synonym used in the definition is "appropriate." That is what I think the word "due" means in this verse. At the appropriate time, or due season, we will be rewarded for for not growing weary.

If we are indeed children of God, bought with a price, and have accepted His precious gift, we are commanded to do good, to live godly, consistant lives, but we are not promised "immediate" harvest or reward. God's love for me and the Grace He's extended to me -- THAT is immediate, albeit undeserved.

I am arrogant if I think that just because am daily striving to live as an example of Christ's love, God owes me immediate reward.

I'm struggling physically today and Satan ALWAYS uses that as an attack point. "Why should I continue to love God, live for Him, show love to my kids at school, try to be a good wife and mother, keep a clean house, cook, keep the laundry pile somewhat small, if my reward is to feel lousy?" That is a lie from the pit of hell and intellectually I recognize what it is. My heart, however, doesn't always follow.

That God chose to love me and to send His Son to die for me is enough. That is THE eternal truth.

"In Due Season" means that the reward will come -- even if it isn't until I reach heaven's gates. THAT is enough.

"Amazing love, how can it be, that thou, my God shouldst die for me."

Most Miserably Married

2006-09-27T17:45:00.000-04:00

My darling daughter, I only have a few moments, since I'm finishing up a day of baking. I must take the cherry tarts over to Bill and Betty's house, as soon as my chicken broccoli casserole is finished. I will post the cherry tart recipe when I get a chance...

I'm so proud of the timer!! You know, I live by my timer, especially when I'm sewing. Now for Mother Lecture #1,789... You would much rather be a sweet, satisfied single person than a most miserable married person. That is what will happen if you rush the Lord and His Perfect Timing. Stay focused on your career -- both with ASF and singing, your church and friends. That season will come. Be patient!! Use your timer :-)

Love, Mom

an absolute hilarious lie ~ singleness

2006-09-27T17:23:00.000-04:00

So I decided to share what the current strategy of attack is on my mind (I thought some of you would find this humorous)...

So sunday was one of those days when you get hit with a lie from the enemy out of NO WHERE. I was attempting to avoid glances from a certain person (an SOS), and I heard very clearly in my mind, "Amanda, you are just a leftover." Yes that's right, the newest attack is with singleness and food.

But then I remind myself, Slum Gum is MUCH BETTER the second day; Momma's ham pot pie is MUCH BETTER the second day; Penn Gables' pizza is MUCH BETTER the second day; chocolate is better ALL THE TIME!!! ...

are you getting my drift.

Singleness is still not an issue for me... but when I am beginning to be called a "LEFTOVER"... those are fighting words (can you tell its football season).

Structure

2006-09-27T17:04:00.000-04:00

Structure is God's amazing gift to people with similar mental abilities to myself. Structure becomes our best friend (and worst enemy). Growing up, Momma was God's means of structure in my life. The house was always put together, always orderly, always functioning (or at least it always seemed to be... my mother's lecture #201 is "If you really can't do it, but have to... FAKE IT"). Hopefully, she can post some picture of our house sometime (hint, hint momma) and her amazing ability to decorate. During high school there were many weeks where I could not have functioned were it not for Mom's constant ability to stay on task, at ALL TIMES - between all nighters as a junior (yes, that's right, I never slept in high school either), soccer practice, ballet lessons, more soccer practices, youth group, music practices, etc.

When I left for college, it was good-bye Momma, hello dysfunction. It did not take me very long to figure out how fortunate I was to have grown up with Momma Joy as my mom. She has always been gifted in mulit-tasking and making sure everything is done. I on the other hand live by the "here and now" strategy.

This, though, as a 24 year old, is not the most productive way to live. So I did the following, in an attempt to schedule and structure my life:
I bought a kitchen timer. Yes that's right, I bought a kitchen timer to use at work - 45 minutes working, 15 minutes breathing. I also bought a planner (now, I do regularly use monthly planners) that breaks down days into hours. You ask yourself... will she actually use them? Well the kitchen timer is ticking as we speak, but the planner doesn't start till October 1st.

Oh yeah, and John 15 states that we can do NOTHING apart from the Vine... and that's where I am ultimately going to find structure. Even though the smell of Momma cooking Ham, Beans and Potato stew makes me want to go back to PA sometimes... (and Momma laughs)

Tiny Praise Dance Moment

2006-09-26T15:35:00.000-04:00

You know, sometimes life is funny -- you are busy dealing with "serious" issues and something simple stops you in your tracks... an oven heating element.

Keep in mind that my stove is "harvest gold" in color and was probably manufactured in 1977. Three out of four burners work and, until today, so did the oven. I am not one to go out and buy the latest and greatest "just because." Until this stove completely breaks, I will use it. I was making chocolate chip cookies, had the first batch in and saw a bright light and some sparks, heard a sizzle, and realized that my oven had just broken. Immediately my thoughts began to do their OCD thing. "Oh, no, now we'll have to buy a new stove. The one I really want is about $1,300.00. The one I can afford is probably $600.00. I really want a stove with front dials instead of back ones. Oh boy, I know those stoves cost more. Should I get coils or flat top?" On and on.

I did what every wife who has a brilliant husband does, I called him. He said, Mel, the serial number is there somewhere. Find it and take it to the appliance store. Well, I'm embarassed to say that I had to brillo the serial number clean. Took it to the store. They had to use microfiche instead of the computer to find my old faithful GE, but $31.75 later I had a brand new element for my oven!!! That was a tiny praise dance moment!

When Dan installs the element, I can finish my cookies, if Brent doesn't finish the cookie dough first!!! I can deal with MS, a possible aneurysm, but I CANNOT deal with a broken oven!!!! It's all about the food!!!!

Current update on Momma

2006-09-25T12:32:00.000-04:00

I talked with Momma this morning around 10am. She sounded groggy and said she was laying on her back so as not to "bleed to death". The angiogram went through the main artery in her groin and up to her head. She mentioned that the technician said everything looks good. She is still waiting to hear from her neurosurgen. She is at peace, though! God is good and His mercies are new EVERY SECOND of each day.

I am sure more will come soon!

Until Then

2006-09-23T17:42:00.000-04:00

Until Then

My heart can sing when I pause to remember

A heartache here is but a stepping stone

Along a trail that's winding always upward,

This troubled world is not my final home.

But until then my heart will go on singing,

Until then with joy I'll carry on,

Until the day my eyes behold the city,

Until the day God calls me home.

The things of earth will dim and lose their value

If we recall they're borrowed for awhile;

And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,

Remembered there will only bring a smile.

But until then my heart will go on singing,

Until then with joy I'll carry on,

Until the day my eyes behold the city,

Until the day God calls me home.

This weary world with all its toil and struggle

May take its toll of misery and strife;

The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;

When it's released, it's destined for the skies.

But until then my heart will go on singing,

Until then with joy I'll carry on,

Until the day my eyes behold the city,

Until the day God calls me home.

Painting Class

2006-09-23T16:57:00.000-04:00

I started a painting class today. It is decorative painting and will encompass more than a few different styles eventually. Paul and Cathy Seymour teach it. It was three hours of great fun and worth the nausea I developed trying to keep my eyes in focus for that long. I learned how to base coat and make a comma stroke. Paul said my comma strokes were the best!!! Their website (Amanda, you will especially like to see it) is: http://www.creativelegacyartstudio.com/ Dan and I have a number of pieces of furniture we just haven't parted with, yet they aren't in good enough shape to put in the house. I guess I have many painting surfaces!!

I LOVE the feeling of learning something new and creating. I am concerned about my eyes. It isn't optic neuritis, it is a focus issue that cannot be ignored. That is a side-effect of an aneurysm, but of course, I'm not 100% certain I have one. If it is my MS, it will be something I will have to figure out how to overcome.

I came home and was discouraged because I wanted to throw up. I moped on the couch for 2 hours, trying to keep my "cookies" down, then decided that was stupid. I can work on keeping my cookies down while I'm being productive. I started slowly working on a corner of our basement -- decluttering (Flylady is my clutter control mentor). I got one corner done while listening to Penn State and Ohio State. I LOVE COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!

I still am nauseated but I've gotten some major cleaning done. Good news for you, Amanda, if I have to have surgery. There is "a place for everything and everything is in its place..." well, sort of...

Amanda, Bill Maher is in the hospital. He had bursitis in his knee that developed an infection and now he has the infection in his blood. He is on 48 hours of IV-antibiotics. Of course, being the manly man that he is, he waited until he was running a high fever and couldn't put weight on the knee until he went to the hospital. Dad, after hearing about Bill, stated that he thought that maybe he had bursitis on his one knee too :-) I am going to make cherry tarts for Bill when he is released from the hospital -- his favorite. I'll post that recipe when I make them!!

I realized that I've been able to touch someone new with the Love of Jesus each day this week, except today. Today, I had a great morning laughing and painting with some great friends -- it was refreshing and went a long way to fill my tank that has run dangerously low since I got the news last Monday.

I realize that the one thing I have to work on is being steady, unmoveable, in the face of physical difficulties, bad news, any "blip" in my road. I have always been a pendulum swinger -- I'm getting better in that I don't have meltdowns on a regular basis (Wednesday being a BIG exception). I still often allow circumstances to dictate my "feelings."

I have a vessel angiogram of my brain on Monday at 5:30 a.m. I think they slightly sedate me (nothing to eat or drink after midnight). That is probably the definitive test. October 3rd is my appointment with my neurosurgeon to schedule surgery... or maybe not... :-)

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalms 51:10

Amanda's Bread Pudding

2006-09-21T20:35:00.000-04:00

My darling daughter, read the directions... the directions say to put the bread pudding into an 8-inch square baking pan. The 2 1/2 quart pan I use makes the bread pudding a consistant depth, thus it will cook evenly. I'm glad that the middle tasted good :-) Try making it again!!!

Libby, you are welcome anytime. When you come, I will convert one of my recipes to a "low-fat, low-cal" one so you can stay your skinny self...

Pumpkin Pie

2006-09-21T14:54:00.001-04:00

Zoanna and Danielle, I haven't figured out how to send a note to you, except on the blog, so let me say that this recipe is EASY and, Zoanna, indeed cheesecake-like with the ease of a pie. I would say it took me less than 15 minutes to put it together -- crust included (I use the Betty Crocker pie crust mix). I had a piece still warm last night -- it holds together warm, but today, out of the fridge, it was awesome too!!

Pumpkin pie, bread pudding, etc., those are recipes I love to make in October and November. I am blessed to live in the woods -- 20 windows in my living room, so I see the beauty outdoors as the leaves change. Of course, I translate that to food!!!

Blessings, Melodye

The Ship has been Righted

2006-09-21T13:53:00.000-04:00

It was so nice to get 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep last night (thanks to Ambien). I felt somewhat better this morning and we had two great rehearsals at the high school. Sixth grade rehearsal went well also. My friend, Jana, texted me to see if I wanted to have lunch... of course I did!! I had a bowl of chicken soup and enjoyed her company for an hour.

I feel more centered, less frenetic than yesterday. I found my equillibrium again. I still haven't heard from my neurosurgeon, but that's okay. I'm doing "normal" stuff -- laundry, cleaning, etc. and it feels right. Boy do I miss lifting and yoga, though. The endorphins released really make a difference in my outlook.

I got a note from a senior gal on my myspace last night. She is a gal who has a young child, and from all appearances has made some bad choices, but is trying to do the right thing now. Anyway, in her note she commented on my "honesty" and "positive attitude." I realized each day I have 240 pairs of eyes watching me... they are taking mental notes. I have to handle this situation the right, godly way in order to make a difference in THEIR lives.

I told her that as far as honesty goes, if you are honest, you don't have to think too hard :-) She said she is praying for me and I told her I covet her prayers.

While I don't feel like doing cartwheels today (the neurosurgeon would probably frown on that), I have a PEACE that passes all understanding. Whatever is going to happen is out of my control. I have to control my RESPONSE to my circumstances.

Instead of ending with a Bible verse, I'm going to quote (hopefully correctly) something I heard Carmen say back in the 90's. He talked about a guy who, when he asked how he was doing, the guy said, "Well, okay, under the circumstances." "What are you doing UNDER the circumstances?? Get out from UNDER them."

AMANDA, GET THAT ANKLE LOOKED AT!!!

Panic Attack and Pumpkin Pie (recipe included)

2006-09-20T18:06:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I lied. I needed some serious hand-holding today!! I went to the high school -- taught two classes and then went to my second part-time job -- bookkeeping for a small excavating business. I went to Walmart, the bank, the library and got home about 12:30. I had a sandwich, talked to Amanda and then had a real-live panic attack. It came on suddenly and I didn't know how to handle it.

I called my fabulous friend, Juel. She said, "Girl, you haven't had a good night's sleep for 10 days. Get something before you get seriously psychotic!!" Okay, she knows what she's talking about. She is a licensed counselor.

I called my family doctor (I had cancelled an appointment with him earlier in the day -- remember? I didn't need any help?). While I prefer to blubber at home with no one around, because I was requesting something to help me sleep, I had to go to the office and blubber all over them. They hussled me in before I could embarrass myself in the waiting room. I talked to the P.A., Greg, who listened, handed me tissues and listened some more. He said that he didn't think I had an aneurysm. Okay. I said I needed about 3 or 4 Ambien to help me get some sleep for the next few days. I explained about my mom -- and that I could have gotten something from her. That made him smile. He gave me a prescription for 5 -- I filled it. I'm going to take one tonight.

I think I'm certainly at peace either way -- I certainly don't want brain surgery, but I must admit I'm asking God why He allowed this to happen. I didn't mention this to anyone but close family and need-to-know people until Dr. Bowles explained surgery and the recovery time. I was careful to explain the facts to people. Nevertheless, I feel like a fraud (If I don't have an aneurysm). I'm getting get well cards from people -- I don't even want to open them.

(Sigh!!) Okay, we've already established that in our house we solve problems with food. A bad habit, I must admit, but effective sometimes. I came home from the doctor's and decided to make my special pumpkin pie -- one for us and one for a friend.

Here's the recipe.

Pumpkin Pie
1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 15-ounce can pumpkin
1 cup sugar
1/4 tsp salt (I only use a pinch)
2 eggs slightly beaten
1 cup milk or half-and-half (I use skim milk)
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) melted butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ginger, optional

1 unbaked pie shell

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese with hand mixer. Add the pumpkin and beat until combined. Add the sugar and salt and beat again. Add the eggs, milk, melted butter, and beat until combined. Add the vanilla, cinnamon and, if using, ginger. Beat until incorporated. Fill pie shell

Bake for 50 minutes or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean. I find I usually have to bake it for 65 minutes, at least.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

More thoughts...

2006-09-19T20:42:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: To anyone who is reading my blogs, I am writing thoughts to help clarify them in my mind. Just keep that in mind as you read my ramblings!!

Did some checking on the Internet today. Found very few instances of aneurysm false-positives with MRI's. However, I found an article that explained that MRA's do not always pick up aneurysms because they check the physiology of blood flow, not anatomy.

What that tells me is I need to step back, take a breath, and wait to hear from my neurosurgeon.

I contacted my family doctor out of fear last week -- his office called me with the negative test. If I hadn't acted out of fear, I wouldn't be in limbo again. I am cancelling my appointment with my family doctor. I don't need any more hand-holders!! Lesson learned!!!

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
II Corinthians 12:9

Her daughter's response

2006-09-19T14:29:00.000-04:00

When peace like a river
Attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot
Thou hast taught me to say
It is well
It is well , with my soul.

When momma called me this morning regarding the blank MRA, I was not shocked and will not be shocked whatever the outcome. I can only testify to God's goodness in our lives. When I look at the past 16 years (is that correct momma? 16 years since you were diagnosed with MS?), I have seen nothing but God's FAITHFULNESS! He has been so good to my family.

I remember when I was about 11, Dad was fishing in Canada with his brothers, and momma had a grand mal seizure. It was around 5am when I found her on the bottom of the steps with a sprained ankle, barely able to talk. I remember calling MeMe and Pappap to come up and help, waiting for the ambulance, and calling my father while I was sobbing on the phone. Then I remember sitting in the doctor's office as he began to tell us that my mother may never walk again. These memories are so strong and powerful, but what is more amazing is watching, again, how good God has been to my family.

My mother walks. Not only does she walk, but she has a personal trainer who has been pushing her to the peak of her physical strength. Not only does she walk, but she is the pianist (accompanist) for my alma mater's high school choir of over 200. Not only does she walk, but she makes the BEST bread pudding in the world (this is a plug for the recipe below). Words cannot describe how good God has been to my family.

Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises

Standing, standing
Standing on the promises of God my Savior;
Standing, standing,
I'm standing on the promises of God.

A Different Journey?

2006-09-19T12:15:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning with a new resolve to not just be "not fearful" but "courageous." I went for my MRA -- got through the test by singing and trying to remember ALL verses of my favorite hymns. "Love Lifted Me" "It Is Well With My Soul" Songs like that. Actually, I sang them to my steady breathing until I had to hold my breath :-)

I was on my way home and my cell phone rang. Dr. Mike's office calling (my family doctor). The test didn't show an aneurysm.

Okay, now what? I have the paper to prove that the first two tests showed an aneurysm -- 6mm and all that stuff.

My new resolve is going to be tested. I don't doubt that the Lord can heal me, but I want to certainly be sure. Courageous will include telling the people who know, including the kids at school. That's a tough one. My mother is a hypochondriac -- I am so careful not to put illnesses on like a blanket.

Once again I am in limbo. I will wait to hear from my neurosurgeon. I have a few more tests scheduled.

Perhaps this journey will not be what I expected. Amanda excepts miracles without explanation. Her Mary to my Martha :-) I will require further proof!!

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

"We must do that which we think we cannot"

2006-09-18T15:57:00.000-04:00

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. Eleanor Roosevelt

I told the kids at school today. We have a piece of music that the girls MUST learn while I am still on my feet. I told Paul that if we told the kids, they would rally around and give 180% to learn the music. I was right.

I go for an MRA tomorrow. Perhaps the first two tests were wrong. Maybe it is a mistake and I am fine.

I hate doing nothing all day. I'm going in circles. By nothing, I mean creative stuff. I went to work, did two loads of wash, cleaned out the top of my closet and am making chicken soup for supper. I have a jacket I am trying to design, but my brain isn't wrapping itself around the project. I am an insomniac. About 3:30 or 4:00 a.m. I am awake, brain engaged, solving problems OCD-style. I see this is going to be my struggle.

Yet, God is faithful. I will bookend this missive with a quote from Psalms 91:4... "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Blessings... Melodye

Chocolate-Dipped Frozen Bananas

2006-09-18T13:26:00.000-04:00

6 medium bananas, peeled
12 wooden popsicle sticks
16 ounces semisweet chocolate chips (about 1 1/2 bags of chocolate chips)
2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Dipping decorations: granola, chopped nuts, sprinkles, jimmies, crushed cookies, and toasted coconut
Line a sheet pan with waxed paper. Peel each banana and cut in half. Insert a popsicle stick into the cut-end of each banana, pushing the stick halfway in, leaving the other end exposed for use as a handle. Place the bananas on the sheet pan and freeze 1 hour.
Melt the chocolate and butter in a bowl over a saucepan of simmering water, stirring occasionally. The stirring occasionally part is really important!! Don't over-stir.
Arrange the dipping decorations on several flat plates. Working with 1 banana at a time, dip it in the chocolate and turn to completely coat (spoon some on, if needed). Roll the dipped banana in the desired decorations, transfer to the sheet pan, and return to the freezer.
Once frozen, store the bananas in an airtight container.

ENJOY!!
Blessings... Melodye

um... what about the Bananas?

2006-09-18T13:19:00.000-04:00

So yes, its true, my mother and I would definitely gain much weight if we saw each other more frequently... but the postitive side would be our flare for new and fun recipes. The bread pudding is a must, but lets talk about the bananas...

um... Mom could you post that recipe? I do not have it (ha ha ha... this is what I love about sharing with Momma... its all about tag team. She is detail oriented and I simply suggest)

Recipe for Bread Pudding...

2006-09-18T12:38:00.000-04:00

This is for Zoanna...
Bread Pudding

INGREDIENTS:
6 slices day-old bread ** I use 1/2 loaf of hawaiian sweet bread - cubed
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1/2 cup raisins (optional)
4 eggs, beaten
2 cups milk
3/4 cup white sugar** If using sweet bread, use 2/3 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:
1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Spray baking dish with cooking spray
2.Break bread into small pieces into an 8 inch square baking pan (I use a 2 quart glass dish). Drizzle melted butter or margarine over bread. If desired, sprinkle with raisins.
3.In a medium mixing bowl, combine eggs, milk, sugar, cinnamon, and vanilla. Beat until well mixed. Pour over bread, and lightly push down with a fork until bread is covered and soaking up the egg mixture.
4. Grate fresh nutmeg or sprinkle dried nutmeg over the top
5.Bake in the preheated oven for 45 minutes, or until the top springs back when lightly tapped.

I have sometimes used raisin bread -- that is good too!! ENJOY!!!
Blessings, Melodye

Burritos, Bread Pudding and Chocolate Covered Bananas

2006-09-17T20:40:00.000-04:00

First I have to say, this is all Amanda's fault. Had she not come to see me, I would have been alone most of the weekend and wouldn't have bothered.

Amanda and I spent the weekend... well, the title says it all. I warned her when she came to see me that I was grouchy and wanted to hibernate. Of course, the best way to do that is with food. On Saturday we decided to make chocolate-covered bananas -- the REAL way. We stirred the chocolate and butter too much and the chocolate never melted in a beautiful way. Not to be deterred and because we are talking CHOCOLATE here, instead of dipping the bananas, we spread the chocolate on the bananas. The results were not asthetically pleasing, but the taste... well, we are talking CHOCOLATE here.

Today we made bread pudding and burritos. Both were delicious. When you eat our bread pudding, you never sit down with a bowl of it. The best way to eat it is one tablespoon at a time. If you eat it that way, the walking back and forth to the kitchen will burn the calories contained in each bite, right?? Sounds logical to me.

AJ and I decided that when we spend weekends together and eat, the calories don't count. It's a good thing I don't see her all the time. I'd be tubby!! Of course, with my problem, I can't exercise. I always say I exercise so that I can eat. (Sigh) Back to salads and yogurt on Monday.

"I Am Not My Hair"

2006-09-17T16:05:00.000-04:00

Manda encouraged me to write -- this is an unfamiliar life journey for me and the ending isn't clear. I found out I had a "6mm right middle cerebral artery bifurcation aneurysm" on Thursday. I had a phone call on my cell from a neurosurgeon -- I needed to make an appointment ASAP. I told them I had MS, didn't need surgery and would get back to them. After my neurologist told me I had an aneurysm, I quickly made that appointment! The aneurysm was found during a routine MRI to chart the progress of my MS. Dr. Bowles told me that they usually find these after they rupture -- 75% of the people who have a stroke die and the 25% who live have severe neurological deficits. Very sobering indeed.

It is only by the grace of God that they found this. In the past week I've dealt with a few very important issues. I will try to concisely explain them.

1. "I Know that I Know that I Know." My dad used to say that. I am not afraid to die. I didn't realize that I TRULY am not afraid. I know where I'm going.

2. "I Want To Leave A Legacy." While I'm so glad that my salvation isn't based on works -- the scales of my good will never outweigh my sins -- I am aware that I touch people every day. Would I be leaving this world having made a difference? My daily prayer is, "Lord, let me touch someone today."

3. "I am not my hair." Okay, you probably will think that this is the dumbest issue. What about my hair? Dr. Bowles is going to "clip" the aneurysm, which will require going through the skull -- shaving included. How much, I do not know. I am 47, gray (although NO ONE has seen it), with shoulder-length hair that I've been growing out for 2 years. What should I do? Should I cut it now -- because I'm pretty sure that my bottle "mocha ice" hair will not continue to exist as chemicals probably shouldn't touch the incision and staples. Should I perhaps cut and highlight so the gray isn't so noticable as it grows back in? See, all of these burning questions... India.Arie's great song, "I Am Not My Hair" is now my anthem. "I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your expections. No, I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within."

A new and fresh start to this blog

2006-09-17T10:16:00.000-04:00

I am writing to let you know that this blog is now priviledged to add a new contributor, my dearest mother, Melodye Joy. She has just been diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and has a desire to document the upcoming year. So may each of you (for those who are still reading... considering the fact I haven't written anything in months) please make my mother welcome. She is a dear and precious woman to me (as you will note from the previous blog).

To God be all the Glory, through each and every step of this season!

To Melodye Joy from her daughter Amanda Joy

2006-07-12T13:14:00.000-04:00

My mother, isn't she beautiful? She is a woman of strength and of courage. She is a woman who battles sickness frequently(she has MS) but does not like to complain. She is my best friend. Though we talk sometimes 1 to 2 times a day and we frequently leave MYSPACE messages for each other, our past has been rocky, yet God has been faithful. When I left PA in 2000, I was ready to leave with a "good bye and good riddance"; what I could not have imagined was the lasting effect it left on my family. It was hard on my family and I confess that I was not loving nor thoughtful towards them. It was especially difficult on my mom, and it was towards her that I sinned the most. Yet again... God has been faithful.

This long rambling post is to the woman who is my greatest support, my greatest cheerleader, my greatest lecturer (oh yes, you may laugh but we number the lectures) and the most important woman in my life. I would not be here today if it wasn't for her constant and loving pushes towards running hard the race of life.

I love you Momma!

So my lack of blogging makes sense...

2006-05-18T17:19:00.000-04:00

So I am frequently reprimanded (in love and fellowship) of the fact that I have wimped out on blogging. I must confess, it has not had its usual flare ... my life does not cause other people to laugh nor does it provoke excitement to the normal eye. But to me, on the other hand... its ever changing and ever exciting. Let me use this week as an example.

Sunday: 12-4pm spent time in a recording studio in Virginia; 6-8pm prepared for the week.

Monday: 9am-2am (yes its a 16 hour day) spent time between the office, kinkos, office depot, the pit (our work room) ~ all in preparation for the Baltimore County Principals' Meeting.

Tuesday: 9am-5pm spent the day doing the same thing as Monday; 6-9pm spent time recording for Chris Kennedy's project; 11-2am worked making business cards and preparing principal packets

Wednesday: 9am-12pm finished principal packets; 1pm-4pm mootched with principals; 5:30-8pm spent time at Woodlawn's awards ceremony; 10pm-12am visited with the Zubrowskis and the Brownes

Thursday (current): 10am-5:30pm emailed, emailed, emailed, office depot (attempted not to fall asleep) 6:30pm-11pm singing at Ze Mean Bean with Chris Kennedy, guitar, and Nate Deluca, upright bass.

As you see, nothing too exciting... but honestly... at some point I would like to slow down.

Romans 8

2006-03-11T08:21:00.000-05:00

My prayer has been that the Lord would draw me closer, and I never cease to be amazed at how He can take my sin and the consequences of my sin, to wrap me in the sweet fragrance of forgiveness and show me His love.

Today is the American Students' Fund HUGE board meeting - including flying in people from Colorado; a semi-large and lavious dinner party; meeting Dr. Ben Carson and his wife. But in the midst of all of this craziness, the Lord has been making me hungry. That hunger for Him is very very very similar to physical hunger. So upon waking this morning and spending time with Him, these verses struck my heart.

Romans 8: 6
"For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace."

Romans 8:10-11
"If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead WILL ALSO give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you."

Romans 8:15
"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

May you be encouraged as I have.

formed by perfect hands

2006-03-07T09:23:00.000-05:00

"Naked come to Thee for dress;
Helpless look to Thee for grace.
To thy fountain Lord I fly,
Wash me Savior, or I die"

Imperfect I begin, but perfect I will end.
Formed by perfect Hands
Who foreknew my imperfect life.
And sent Perfection to stand in my place.

Though imperfect,
I come before a PERFECT GOD
Because of the PERFECT and FINISHED sacrifice
Of a PERFECT SON.

I am loved by the Author and Perfector of my faith!!!

Offerings of cost

2005-12-01T10:08:00.000-05:00

I was listening to a message today by Lindell Cooley (old Brownsville worship leader) and he was reading from a passage in 2 Sam 24:15-25. Essentially what happened, David sinned against the Lord and Gad (Dave's friend) spoke with words from the Lord giving David a choice of consequences... man, the Lord is merciful. David chose to have the hand of the Lord verses the hand of man strike Israel; David knew that God was more merciful than man. The Lord allowed an Angel to strike Israel with a pestilence and David knew that he needed to offer a sacrifice to the Lord to have it stopped.

15 So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men.
16 And when the angel stretched out his hand upon Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed the people, It is enough: stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD was by the threshingplace of Araunah the Jebusite.
17 And David spake unto the LORD when he saw the angel that smote the people, and said, Lo, I have sinned, and I have done wickedly: but these sheep, what have they done? let thine hand, I pray thee, be against me, and against my father's house.

(You really need to read this passage... actually read I Chronicles 22, also)

Anyway...

David asked to buy Araunah's property and threshingfloor, but Araunah told him to just take it. But David said... and then...

24 But the king replied to Araunah, No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. So David bought the threshing-floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekels of silver for them.

25 David built an altar to the LORD there and sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then the LORD answered prayer on behalf of the land, and the plague on Israel was stopped.

The thought burning in my heart is Lord I do not want to give offerings that have cost me nothing. I want to see You answering prayer. God be merciful to me and guide me to sacrifice all I have to know You more.

Prayer 12/1

2005-12-01T09:32:00.000-05:00

Dear friends, again I come asking for you to lift up these prayer requests before the Lord. My Lord is the only one who can work miracles, and I ask that you would send sweet incense of prayer before Him.

1. Praise God that HE is mighty. Praise God that HE is strong. Praise God that HIS mercies endure forever. Let everything that has breath PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

2. Salvation of the supervisors and installers that I talk to everyday.

3. Allen (installer) - called today not feeling well at all. He is extremely sick, possibly going to the hospital.

4. The Lord would provide strength to our men working on the field. They are extremely busy and overworked; unfortune

5. The Lord will work a miracle out in the production field. Gemcraft is pushing to get houses built at a RIDICULOUS pace and not only are Gem's supervisors stressed, but the workload on ALL subcontractors is UNBEARABLE. Please pray for the Lord's hand to move mightily upon the "little people". Smaller companies, like QUESTRON, are feeling the burden of the "big guns".

Prayer 11/21

2005-11-21T14:00:00.001-05:00

Richard's (Caruso Homes) fiancee miscarried last week - pray for salvation of both

Dale Gerber (Gemcraft Homes) - pray for healing of heart and kidney stones

My installers - Ken, Charlie, Jerry, Allen, Jim, Alphonso (Jehovah's Witness) - salvation

Homeowner Mary - in retirement community, desperately needs the Lord

to You oh Lord, I lift up...

2005-11-21T14:00:00.000-05:00

I desire to go through this season with a heart seeking the Lord on behalf of the people surrounding me. Periodically I will be listing prayer requests for my co-workers, the supervisors and the homeowners with whom I work with on a regular basis. My desire is to surround them with prayer in faith that the Lord will be working even when I cannot see it. I ask that each time you read a prayer blog, take a minute and pray for these men and women... I believe the Lord has a mighty work that He wants to accomplish at Questron!

humble prayer

2005-11-18T09:36:00.000-05:00

* I have emailed this to many women already, but I need prayer. I am humbled by my DESPERATE need for the Lord and am uncertain how to ask for help.*

my dear friends,
as I sit here now, I am overwelmed by my inadequacy for my job. I am getting hit with the bad fruit of my early labors and also hit with the fact that 1. my job is beyond my capabilities and 2. in the last months of the year, my company does not have the man power to complete all the tasks needed to be completed.

I had a "production manager" call and lay into me (very kindly, too) in regards to our company being behind in work. I am realizing more and more that I cannot take things personally, but I see I am taking things on for the company. I take it personally when my guys get stuck at a job and can't leave the jobsite. And then on top of that, I realize that I do not know how to talk to the supervisors. I am struggling with integrity of my word - I desire to tell them what they want to hear and butter up verses leaving the answers short, simple and truthful. I am getting to a point where I dislike what I do, simply because the idea of having to tell the supervisors we can't get there makes me sick... knowing that its crippling our company's imagine. The end of the year season for my installers is always rough and considering the fact I have only been here for the "push months" and I am struggling to want to continue... really scares me.

I got on my face this morning, crying out to the Lord, and He told me that I need to "eat". But I do not know where to begin. I do not know where to start. I want to be a woman of character at this job, but I feel like I am lacking.

I ask for prayer. Please pray.

computers down...

2005-10-18T13:03:00.000-04:00

It is extremely sad when a company cannot function when its networking systems are down. It is extremely sad when the company is actually a "phone and cable" company. Yes, here I sit at my desk with nothing to do but answer telephones because our Microsoft Network is having... well... issues. Yet I am able to finally write.

Hope Basset brought scripture to mind during a Sunday prayer meeting - Psalm 119:129-135. The words pricked my heart and became my prayer.

"I opened my mouth wide and panted, for I longed for Thy commandments (131)"
"Establish my footsteps in Thy word, and do not let any iniquity have dominion over me (133)"
"Make Thy face shine upon Thy servant, and teach me thy statutes (135)"

How beautiful! How encouraging! How much the truth from my heart! My hearts longs for scripture! I desire to Christ to guide me and teach me to walk in the victory He lives! I desire to catch a "frontside" glimpse of God (unlike Moses's backside glimpse)!

Working Woman

2005-09-29T12:44:00.000-04:00

My title: "Scheduling Coordinator"
My job: make the QUESTRON home automation installers work efficently and effectively
My current physical position: consistent headaches (if it hurts, you know its working)
My current spiritual position: recognizing grace, enjoying early morning time with the Lord.
My current shoe position: flip flops (after 3 days of high heels, I have my flipflop "in house wear" and then my highheel "professional wear"

Many have heard of my current position and have thought to themselves "Amanda, doing what?! We'll see how long this lasts."

Well I will say, I have asked the same question, and I am still asking "Lord, are you sure? Are you positive because I am only in my first week and I am sure they won't mind me leaving." But this weekend in PA, I went to Lord of Life and Mark Altrogge spoke. What he said left me laughing.

[paraphrase]
In the Cinderella Man (boxing movie) the main character was losing fights because he had no left hand - no fighting techniques from his left. So when the guy broke his right hand, he was shot. It was during the depression so he got a job on the docks, but being unable to work his right hand, he was forced to do ALL work with his left. When he went back to fighting, he was finally winning... why... because his weakness was strengthen.

Application:
All my life I have fed my "right brain". It is to the point where it is almost paralyzed, broken. I have faith that God is going to use this job to strengthen my weaknesses.

AMEN!!

here we go

2005-09-21T10:58:00.000-04:00

I have been approached by a few of you in regards to my lack of "blog change." I apologize and ask for patience in this season. I spend very little time on a computer, simply because I do not have as easy of access as before. At my NEW JOB (www.questron-inc.com) I will hopefully be able to write more.

Oh yeah, I am a "scheduling coordinator" for Questron. I am actually working at the same company that Jason Melani works at.

I want to fall in love with You

2005-09-03T22:25:00.000-04:00

"I want to fall in love with You. I want to fall in love with You." That phrase will not leave my heart. This past Monday while I was driving to work, I was listening to the Jars of Clay song that begins, "In open fields of wild flowers, she breathes the air and flies away. She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses, in no simple language. Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all." Those words hit my heart. My heart was suddenly pierced and I began to tear.

This morning, Saturday, I woke up, took care of Scout (Kahl's dog) and prepared to go to Harford Community. While driving to the college, my mind stopped in its tracks when I realized "Jesus, I never said good morning." Those thoughts hit my heart. My heart was suddenly pierced and I began to tear.

The month of August was nothing but a state of consistent inconsistency, and it has not stopped - job searching, living out of a duffle bag, driving extended distances, waking up at odd hours, attempting to organize chaos, etc. (I think the point is made). And now as I sit here and write my heart is overwelmed with nothing but sheer desire to fall on my knees and say "I want to fall in love with You. I want to fall in love with You." These thoughts hit my heart. My heart is weeping and I cry.

My Lover, my King
Grant me the cry of my heart,
To know you in the Secret Places.
Such places up the steep pathway.

My Lover, my King
Grant me ears to hear Your voice,
To know you in the darkness.
Darkness that cannot hide me from You.

My Lover, my King
Grant me strength to walk Your road,
To know you in your suffering.
Suffering that brings me everlasting life.

My Lover, my King
Mend my heart.
Call my name.
Be my strength.
My God.

Jeremiah

2005-08-25T13:53:00.000-04:00

As I have been studying Jeremiah (ok, so maybe I am only in the first chapter), I am finding that to reitterate what I am learning, it is essential to communicate key points that stick out in my mind.

When Jeremiah was called to be a prophet, in chapter one, his prayer seemed to be that of the father found in Luke 9, "Lord I believe; help me in my unbelief." Jeremiah shared his concerns in regards to his young age and also his lack of ability to speak, well. Thankfully for the nation of Israel, Jeremiah had more sense to listen to God than himself.

Calvin comments that God's response was one of reassurance of His sovereignty and perfect plan. "It was not [Jeremiah's] power that qualified [him] for that office, for [God] created not only a man, but a prophet."

In scripture God says to Jeremiah, 'Do not say, "I am only a child." You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.' Calvin states that "through these words God reminds Jeremiah that he was his servant and that there was no reason why a sense of his own weakness should make him afriad. It should have been enough for him to simply obey God's command ... It is as if God has said, 'Although you think you have no talents at all and are fully conscious of your weakness, you should still go WHEREVER I send you.' God requires people to obey his commands, even if they think they lack the necessary qualifications."

That last comment, "God requires people to obey his commands, even if they think they lack the necessary quailifications", hits a hard nerve. I realize that in this season of job hunting, I fear failure and inability to do what I am called to do. But if God calls me to take a job, I cannot buck and turn my back. I am called to obey... even if it is housecleaning the rest of my life.

Who would have guessed

2005-08-09T18:58:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you a short story... 6 years ago two people - Amanda Olsavsky and Matt Carter - became good friends on a missions trip called OPERATION BARNABAS (http://www.cenational.org/OB). Matt and Amanda kept in touch for about three years proceeding Barnabas but lost touch over the last three. Well this past Sunday, with a new cell phone number in hand, Amanda received a VERY UNEXPECTED phone call.

... First of all I must preface this with the fact that Matt lives near Ft. Wayne, Indiana and I live near Baltimore...

The conversation went somewhat like this. "Hey, I'm in York, Pennsylvania." "Are you kidding me? I live like an hour and a half away." "No way, I thought you dropped off the face of the earth." "Well I didn't and I will pick you up around 5:15pm."

Yep so I trekked up to York, PA and managed to get lost but found; discovered that the family he was staying with, the Kneppers, knows me and my family from NAC/BNYC days (http://www.cenational.org/bnyc/at-bnyc/2005/pray-home.asp).

So in attempts to introduce him to friends, I decided that I was going to take him to Jen Mauler's house for dinner and fellowship with a group of people, and I prayed that he would feel welcomed and comfortable. Well... GOD BLEW MY SOCKS OFF!

The following is Matt's blog (www.xanga.com/doctorcarter) from the evening of fellowship:

"... [Amanda] took me to hang out with a bunch of her friends. at first, i was not into that idea, i just wanted the nostalgia time for myself. well, God had other plans. so, i get there and there's like instant connections all the way around. seriously, i fell in love with these people in a heartbeat. we played games... we worshipped together... and best of all, we prayed together. people i had never met and a friend i hadn't seen in years.

so here's the kick in my pants that is really gettin me stoked and totally pumped up:
where there's Jesus...there's instant connection (if you're open to it). real genuine fellowship can occur anywhere with anyone in the body of Christ. Jesus is all we need to be brothers and sisters and totally in sweet fellowship... and when that happens...it's exciting, it's fun and you have no problem giving the glory back to the real Giver. it's this kind of thing that makes being a Christian so awesome and totally different than anything else. not only is it centered around a relationship with a God who died for us and rose again promising eternal life to us...that would be enough...but Christians are a family, a body, we are one in the Spirit..and we know true love. I have not been so encouraged, so thankful, and so pumped up in a long, long time. God is amazing! stuff like this can happen anywhere... and i'm ready to go find it and let it find me. are you ready?"

Yep, all of us were completely blessed by the evening but more importantly, God was GLORIFIED!! Enjoy the pictures

To Nickel Creek

2005-08-09T18:22:00.000-04:00

Thank you for your constant willingness to go beyond the musical norm and create pieces of art that require thought and time to completely take in.

To everyone else... check out Nickel Creek's newest cd.

ReALiTy

2005-07-30T01:26:00.000-04:00

Nothing in my hands I bring;
Simply to the cross I cling.
Naked come to THEE for dress;
Helpless look to THEE for grace.
To THY fountain LORD I fly,
Wash me SAVIOUR or I die.

Simple Joys

2005-07-30T01:16:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a practice with Jason Melani, Zac Coleman and Trina Bass, preparing music for a coffee house at "The Cup" (next Friday night - August 5th).

Meeting at Jason and Elisa's house, of course Jenna Grace (the almost 2 year old) came bounding over. She immediately hugged me; my heart warmed.

Trina and I sang the "A, B, C's" in harmony; I thanked God for the blessing of unique fellowship.

Trina, Jason and I worked on an acapella interlude and also Stevie Wonder's "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing"; I am grateful for musical challenges.

And finally at the end of the evening I had a small yet precious moment with my dear and pregnant friend, Elisa; I learn from her example of Christ's love.

To My Parents

2005-07-20T01:06:00.000-04:00

I love you so much, yet I am uncertain how to express it.
I love you so much, but my actions often fail my feelings.
I love you so much, and I wish, oh I wish, that I could show it.
I love you so much; it hurts to hurt you.
I love you so much, and I miss you.

Mighty Truth to Cling To

2005-07-13T23:03:00.000-04:00

Honey out of the Rock by Thomas Wilcox (1621-1687)

"Believe but Christ's willingness to pardon and save, ann that will make you willing. If you find you cannot believe, remember it is Christ's work to make you believe. He works to will and to do of His good pleasure (Phil 2:13). By grace are you saved through faith, and that not of yourself, it is the gift of God. Plead with him for that gift (Eph 2:8). Christ is the author and finisher of faith; put him to it. Mourn for your unbelief, for unbelief is setting up of guilt in the conscience above Christ, and undervaluing the merits of Christ, accounting His blood an unholy, a common, and unsatisfying thing.

When you believe and come to Christ, you must leave behind you your own righteousness, (Oh, that is hard!) all your holiness, sanctification, duties, tears, humblings, etc., and bring nothing but your sins, you wants and miseries, else Christ is not fit for you, nor you for Christ. Christ will be a perfect Redeemer and Mediator, and you must be an undone sinner, or Christ and you will never agree. It is the hardest thing in the world to take Christ alone for righteousness; that is, to acknowledge Him Christ."

Wedding #8 - Laying down a friend

2005-07-08T14:58:00.000-04:00

Wedding #8 - Such a label makes me laugh. Please note that most weddings I refer to are not defined by the new happy couple, simply by a number. I thoroughly enjoy weddings! As an Olsavsky, it is my duty to have as much fun as will be allowed. I made a vow to myself, about four years ago when the crazy wedding season began to slur into years, that would not pine in my heart for a husband... I would simply look for other couples to match up. I also told myself that I would enjoy as much of the weddings as I could - singing, dancing, eating, laughing, fellowshipping, etc. Yet something this time is different.

This coming Saturday is the wedding of a dear, old, friend of mine. We spent much time together over my senior year of high school and continued to communicate over my first three years of college. Mike is my old friend, and when he left for Iraq, I prayed and prayed for his life - both spiritually and physically. When he called me from Iraq over Christmas and asked me to sing, I put on a happy face and said "sure". I think that moment, more than most changing moments in my life, signified an end. Mike does not know Christ. Mike does not have a personal relationship with the Lord, and now as he is getting married, to someone who does not know the Lord, all I can do is pray. From here on out I may never speak again, but GOD PLEASE REMIND ME I can pray.

I am nervous about this wedding. It is almost like a death, though placed in the union of two lives. For the first time ever entering a wedding, I feel alone. But please know, it is not necessarily self-pity... I see that its me and my Savior. Me and My Savior - did someone use that as a book title? I want to. Me and My Savior - it sounds so sweet. Me and My Savior - I want nothing else!

Please pray for Jessica and Mike! They both need the Lord!

Posting from Georgia; Accident in Alabama - go figure

2005-07-05T12:17:00.000-04:00

Tennessee was a safe haven; Alabama proved to be the demise of my little Toyota Echo.

Yes, for those who have known me, know that I have had many issues with vehicles... they are the vain of my sanctification experience. When I had my taxi run-in, I felt a special calling to walking for the rest of my life, but that would include moving to either Europe or Africa. God has not called me to either place (yet), so I had to resign myself to buying a vehicle. Thence came my dear Toyota Echo.

Well this past friday, on my way to Andalusia (hole-in-the-wall), Alabama, I had stopped to get gas. Upon leaving Exit 130 to proceed on I-65, South, I was hit by an 84-Chevy blazer. This vehicle ran into me while attempting to make a left turn from the right side of the road... yep, his fault.

Praise God, though, he merely hit my door and managed to put a rather nice size dent in it, shattering my window. Yet all I could think was... yep, his fault. Well the insurance guy called me today and told me that there is a possibility this guy is NOT insured. When Mark, the insurance guy, called Kerrey's house, the car wrecker, he was hung up on.

So here goes another adventure in "Carland" (trumpet sounds - dot, dotdot, do). It never ceases to amaze me.

But here is where God smiles down and says "I have a plan, Mandy (my family calls me Mandy)." Understand that I stopped off at Exit 130 to get gas. I put in my card and was ready to pump, only to find the handle stuck. I tried for about 4 minutes and finally told the cashier that the pump was broke. So I moved my car to the other side, proceeding to pump gas, and a man parked by my old pump and PUMPED GAS! I do NOT understand. Only those 5 minutes would have saved me from the accident... but as my dear Aunt put it... Mandy, the Lord sees more than just Exit 130; He sees every exit.

North vs. South

2005-07-05T12:05:00.000-04:00

Imagine this picture... an underwelming Northerner, dressed in Old Navy "long shorts" with the layered tanktops, approaching a mullet-bearing, muscleman shirt-wearing Southern and his wife. I had forgotten what road I needed to take to leave the city of Chattanooga and decided to work my "charm" and in humility, ask for directions. The man asked me where I needed to go and I told him I needed to get to Bra-neird (pronounced Brah-naired, with a slight flip of the "r's"). Now please understand that many of the city names down South have a French tendency, and so in an attempt to be the best "French" mutilat... uh... I mean speaker, I pronounced the streets/towns as I would have expected the French to pronounce them. Well the guy looked at me and laughed (a short, hearty HA!) and said, in a rather large Southern accent, "Bra-neird" (pronounced Bray-nerd, with no "r" flipping anywhere). Then he asked me where on Bra-neird I needed to go, and I said Belvoir (pronounced Behl-vwah). Well another hearty HA! proceeded and he asked "Belvoir" (pronounced Bell-va-er)?

Needless to say I made it home! But with many laughs to boot!

20 minutes remaining

2005-06-30T09:45:00.000-04:00

Sitting in the local library in Chattanooga, I have spent the last 40 minutes paying bills (which due to the new payment system will be late...UGH!), balancing my checkbook (to find myself 2 dollars off), emailing people (only to realize that my accountability girls do not understand my irraticated -can I use that?- emails) and finding that everyone is asking me why a guy's arm was around my chair last Sunday (simple habit, I do it too). Yet above all God is good... 17 minutes remaining.

Chattanooga is charming. It is rather small and nicely clean and somewhat an "outdoorsy" city. The evening life ends around 11pm and all that draws the single crowds are bars. Yet I am thrilled to be here. I honestly think, though, I am a northern girl. There is something about much in tight confined spaces that thrills me. I miss the idea of being able to go to a jazz club; I miss inexpensive sushi bars; I miss my church family... 14 minutes.

I need to go. My cousin and I are going to "Rock City".

Scripture says...

2005-06-19T22:59:00.000-04:00

In the book of I Corinthians, the 13th chapter, we are confronted with hard truth. If we have the ability to speak 12 different languages (please note paraphrasing) but our words are without love, we might as well be speaking in "traffic jam". If we are as wise as Solomon and are blessed with the gift of faith but have NOTHING to do with love, we are NOTHING. Love is not dependant on the "lovability" of a person; love is an act of obedience. Why do I write this, a truth that is so elemental or at least foundational to Christ-like relationships? I need to be reminded of this!

visionary

2005-06-18T13:08:00.000-04:00

Life as a visionary is becoming exhausting. Each day I wake up with ideas pouring out of my ears and grand plans of filling each moment of the day with much prosperity. Yet I consistentally go to bed in the night and realize that I, essentially, failed. My mother's favorite lecture (lovingly called #101 - essentials of life) simply states the common idiom success if found not in the end product but the "journey". How does a visionary, though, find any success when he struggles in the journey and can only dream of an end. To this I shed tears because the longer I am outside of the context of dictated schooling, the more failure I seem to meet. Many people have come alongside of me with grand ideas to help me grow and succeed, yet they do not seem to understand that I have more grand plans than they do. What I need is someone to come alongside and walk step by step beside me. Who can do that, though? Only the Lord! And to this, also, I cry. MY FLESH IS WEAK! MY HEART IS FAINT! Oh Lord have mercy on me!

My father wants me to work for the government; my mother wants me to be a jazz singer. I simply desire a vision to walk forward towards. I am wandering around feeling left with no purpose, but thanks be to God, who says "in all your ways acknowledge [Me] and I will make your paths straight". So Lord here I sit, saying "to You, Lord, I lift up my soul. In You I trust, Oh my God."

Life as a visionary has taken its toll, but I have the promise that someday I will ride on the wings of eagles and will run and not grow weary!

focus upward

2005-04-27T14:08:00.000-04:00

My children (a.k.a. my 5th and 6th graders) have a selective realization about how their moods and attitudes affect me (a.k.a. teacher). Of course (please note the hint of sacracsm) they need to respect my desires and wishes and be able to read my mind when I am utterly frustrated. Of course they must cater to my needs and bow down on their knees with extreme gratefulness that I have chosen to teach them. If only...

And this is where my words stop and I go back and reread what I have written - nothing but humor and nothing but truth. God has been so faithful over the last few days to reveal my inmost heart, my inmost thoughts, my inmost desires. They all conjoin at a root called pride, and today was yet another example of selfish ambition and selfish desires.

My eyes seem to focus downward causing thoughts such as "how fat am I getting", "these kids have no manners towards me", "how can I get out of grading the math papers one more day", and so on and so forth. The direction of my eyes are a reflection of the direction of my heart. My eyes are focused on me and not on Christ. Yet it is the constant battle to cry a simple "LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME" while seeing my desperate need to change.

Psalm 25 says the following:
8 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
9He leads the humble in justice, and He teaches the humble His way.
10All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth to those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
11For Your name's sake, O LORD, pardon my iniquity, for it is great

What a blessing these verses have been! They remind me that the Lord is good, yet he does not vanquish the sinner... He instructs them. When we seek to humble ourselves, He teaches us His way. And its for God's sake, not our sake, that our sins are forgiven. God is ultimately glorified when He pardons us! So Lord have mercy on me a sinner! Forgive me for my selfish thoughts. Set my eyes upon You.

falstaff

2005-04-11T16:33:00.000-04:00

(note to all: though an English major, my spelling is always a means of sanctification... )

I must laugh at the mangled manner by which I attempt to sound "intelligent". I laugh because, it has taken me at least 5 minutes to resign the idea of sounding smart (with a wimsical alliteration) in my first sentence. Many women in my church, who I admire much for not only their character but also their communicative skills, have their own blog sights. In my mind I, due to pride of course, I have fixated the idea that whatever I write has to be publishable and wise. And again I laugh!

Who am I? I am child of God, who deserves nothing that I have received. To think that I could rightly and intelligably add, to the creation of words and thoughts and know the exact placement of comma, would make me but a human pun in Shakespeare's comedy-Falstaff, I believe.

So anyway, though my thoughts are scattered and seem unfinished, I have more important things to do... grade grammar papers, spelling papers, plan for tomorrow and attend a jazz concert!