Already Put To The Test {{Sigh}}
Be careful what you blog and what you wish for... :-)
Brent just called me. There is a hold on his account at school that should not be there. He has until Friday to drop his class and cannot with the hold on the account.
The "enforcer parent" in me wanted to admonish him for waiting until this week to drop the class (he actually dropped it two weeks ago). The "encourager parent" actually told him that if he needed money put on the account to take it off of hold, to let me know and I would do so immediately.
This blogging thing is a humbling experience!!! I did not take into account the accountability factor that would be put into play as I blogged!!!
I'm not going to pat myself on the back, but this is a very small, but significant victory. I consciously made a choice and it was the right one!! I'm going to finish my apple pies and then go and paint!!! I am an encourager, not the enforcer, I am an encourager, not the enforcer... (She repeats over and over again!!)
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Blessings, Melodye
Brent just called me. There is a hold on his account at school that should not be there. He has until Friday to drop his class and cannot with the hold on the account.
The "enforcer parent" in me wanted to admonish him for waiting until this week to drop the class (he actually dropped it two weeks ago). The "encourager parent" actually told him that if he needed money put on the account to take it off of hold, to let me know and I would do so immediately.
This blogging thing is a humbling experience!!! I did not take into account the accountability factor that would be put into play as I blogged!!!
I'm not going to pat myself on the back, but this is a very small, but significant victory. I consciously made a choice and it was the right one!! I'm going to finish my apple pies and then go and paint!!! I am an encourager, not the enforcer, I am an encourager, not the enforcer... (She repeats over and over again!!)
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Blessings, Melodye
posted by melodye joy @ 3:06 PM
7 Comments:
At 7:26 PM,
Donna said…
Good for you. Now if you can tell me how to be the encourager without being the enabler we will both be doing good!
At 8:12 PM,
melodye joy said…
Donna, I think you need spelled-out, definite boundries. We're still figuring them out in our household. For instance, school IS NOT an option. Brent will take over his cell phone bill next summer. I make meals, but do not hold them for him. He does his own laundry, except if I do him a mother favor and do a load. Those kinds of things. He doesn't have a curfew, but must at least text message me if he's staying overnight somewhere. No drinking and driving!!
I don't know. I'm probably clueless. I KNOW I have never been an enabler (Ask Amanda :-) so I must learn not to be tne enforcer, but the encourager. Hey, maybe if we meld you and me together, we'll get the perfect mother!!!
:-) Melodye
At 11:49 AM,
Donna said…
Let the melding begin! The problem here is that Nick moved out, it did not work and he is back. No job, no money etc. The other problem is he is severly depressed. My middle son Scott was killed in a car accident Nov.1,2002. All of our lives have been crazy to say the least since. Nick has desire to change but no motivation. His dad, my husband Mike and I have very different opinions of what to do. I am a tough love girl, Mike is a HUGE enabler. He knows that I am not gossiping about my husband. So any ideas how to kick my son in the butt while still being submissive to my husband. E-mail me if you want. futrmommom@yahoo.com
Thanks
At 9:38 PM,
Zoanna said…
What do you mean take over his cell phone bill? He's not paying for that at age 21? What kind of phone plan is he on? Ours is $15 a month base. He has to pay for those plus all his text messages. He doesn't text home so it's not like we are paying for him to be in touch with us. But that runs up a HUGE bill at ten cents a pop. Anyway, that's not a personal attack, please don't take it that way, I'm just wondering if it's too costly for a 21 year old to pay, it's probably not a good plan.
At 11:15 AM,
melodye joy said…
Zo, we try to do the same with both kids. We paid Amanda's cell phone bill until her junior year in college, when she took it over. We also paid a set amount for her first car. In Brent's case, he actually pays if his bill goes over. Amanda went over so many times, I gave it to her in frustration. Brent's first car cost more than Amanda's, so he paid the difference. The cell phone is more for me than him -- he keeps in touch that way. It is not cheap -- $39.99 per month, plus tax. It is in his own name. That is just the way we tried (or are trying) to even things out between the two kids. Am I right, Amanda? Melodye
At 4:31 PM,
amanda joy said…
You are correct mom... you and daddy have always desired to be fair with Brent and I.
I think that if we went to a community college part time and then worked, things would be different. But I remember when I first started school, you and dad were set on the idea of me COMPLETELY focusing on schoolwork. I began my first 2 semesters with 18 and 19 credits, (as a music major, I had 9 classes verses 6.) I was 4 hours from home, my phone was my only lifeline to any friends or family.
Mom and Dad were always supportive financially YET always discerning when they needed to break financial responsibility. They knew that my first 2 years would be intense and it was (I do not know how I made it). When I began workign my junior year, mom and dad felt it time that my cell phone was mine (after so many overages... which mom did have me pay many of my over chargers). While working, I was also taking 21 credits (fall) and 17 credits (spring).
Brent is majoring in engineering. His first year while playing football, full time, he also went to school full time. Mom and Dady, again, set on focusing on academics in the beginning. When he transferred to the community college, he had to go to school full time while working to pay off that year. Now he not only works CRAZY hours (he often works 2 jobs at a time... more than 20 hours a week sometimes) but he is going to school FULL TIME.
I am grateful for the help Mom and Dad gave me. Again, I think if worked part time and went to a community college, things would be different. Please know, my parents are not wasteful of their money... my mom is one of the wisest financial handlers I know. But they value education over most things and sought to make sure that I was able to finish well... they are doing the same with Brent.
At 11:07 AM,
Zoanna said…
Sounds very much like my parents' standards when I was in college, and I appreciated it. They kept things pretty fair, I think. Until my baby sister was born, then she got their time and undivided attention because we were away at college! They valued not just education, and actually my mom really valued the Dean's List. I got good grades when I was only working 10 hours a week work-study, but I think I grew up way faster and still made good grades (not stellar) when I got my own apartment, own car, paid for everything myself (junior year). I was dirt poor, with no kitchen in my apartment and were it not for working in a nice restaurant, would have subsisted on soup, mac and cheese, and peanut butter sandwiches. But I think I learned to identify with poor people, learned to share expenses, learned to trust God for my personal safety (lived in Baltimore City) and those things I cherish more than my English degree. Not that I regret my degree AT ALL. I'm glad my parents didn't spoil us in college. Sounds like you make your kids "ramp up" to the "real world" of earning a living, too. That's ideal. I came from middle class rural life, moved to Greensburg to attend Seton Hill college (having no knowledge of anything Catholic) and then got homesick. It was good to have both the cushion of time (just 10 hours of work and no expenses besides laundromat and pizza) and then to have the cushion slowly removed. (I removed it because I didn't want to move back home after being on my own for 2 years. I think I brought to marriage a healthy understanding of external pressure to make money, pay bills, manage the rigors of real life before getting married. I hope my daughter gets a taste of the same, though I am seriously doubting her Daddy or I will let her live in an inner city apartment. Maybe we will. We'll see what God says about that!
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